you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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