life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
