i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
