Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
