Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
