There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
