guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
