I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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