do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Life is so much better after having sex.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
3 2 1 whiskey
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
