There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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