Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
