apparently the secret to your success is patron
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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