On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
