I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize