Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
