I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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