: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize