Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
