we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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