Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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