it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
