My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
