the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
