as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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