I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
