Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
