I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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