so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
