I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
