You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
