How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
