My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
