May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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