I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
