I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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