Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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