508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
