I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
