I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
