forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
