If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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