I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
