A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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