what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
