She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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