I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Terrible idea I love it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
