you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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