Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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