this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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