He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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