Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize