Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
