it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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