He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
