You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
