nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
