I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
