so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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