Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm passing your future prison.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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