I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
