LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
