Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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