So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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