I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize