Your dad touched me again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
