don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
