he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
