We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
