Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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