I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
