he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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