; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
