This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
