if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
