He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
