just survived the first fart of the relationship.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
