Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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